Should I Fix My Relationship?

He is not committed in the relationship. He says he needs a break from the relationship. She irritates you. He is always late. You've just had an argument. Or you haven't seen each other for while and you are not sure. Should you fix your relationship?  Should you continue or quit?  It depends. On your part, have you done you share of loving in the relationship?

Relationships are a blessing. It is a miracle when two people are able to love each other despite stark differences and irritations. It is a beauty to behold when the spark returns. When two people not only get but they give. 

"People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world. They may have little, they may have nothing but they are happy people. Everything depends on how we love one another." Mother Teresa

There are different levels of operation in a relationship. One is the lower, needy level where you need this relationship because your sense of self worth comes from the relationship. You fear losing the relationship because you feel that if you lose this person, you lose everything. It happens often. This should not be the focus, be all and end all of a relationship, or of life.  Another is a higher level where you purpose to be more loving person instead of wanting more from the other person just to fulfill your own needs. 

Robert Johnson put it aptly: "We can learn that the essence of love is not to use the other to make us happy but to serve and affirm the one we love. And we can discover, to our surprise, that what we have needed more than anything was not so much to be loved as to love"

Inside us, we were created to love. To contribute. To give.

Only when you have done your assessment can you really decide whether you should fix your relationship. Have you stepped in the other person's shoes and reflected if you were him/ her, would you want to continue a relationship with you?

He may have brought you over the edge. She may have gotten you to tear your hair and driven you up the wall.  But you have a higher purpose. To give in the relationship. In order to give more, you have to change yourself.

Take responsibility to change this relationship.
Decide that you are going to make a difference. You carry all the power of goodness and you can act from that power. The power of love.

Here are some steps to enabling you to love someone despite your differences

1.    Appreciate your mate. Think about the good things your mate brings to your life. Focus on the goodness. Gratitude brings out the gems within yourself and the other person. With this, differences can be overcome. You may have differences. Physical, habits, emotional, operational. They are bound to exist. If you are filled with loving feelings within yourself and with very loving feelings about your mate, and with gratitude for your existence, your differences are easy to handle

" To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others." 

"If we will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasure they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them." Dale Carnegie

2. Be your mate's best friend. Be all you can to your mate. Love, respect, admire your mate.

3. Create a rich balanced life for yourself. Sure, your mate is important, but he/ she is only part of your life. Create a life outside your mate. Friends, family, career, personal growth, contributions to society. There is literally the whole world for you to participate in, grow and enjoy.

5. Get rid of neediness in the relationship. Your sense of self worth should come not primarily from this relationship. Neediness in a relationship creates feelings of insecurity, jealousy, anger when the need is not fulfilled. You have a life of your own. Live it.

5. Make a commitment to change. Susan Jeffers in " The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love" suggests these few commitments for eventual Soul Mateconnection:

I commit to working on the fears that get in the way of my ability to love
I commit to saying loving things to my mate
I commit to saying loving things about my mate
I commit to making his/ her life easier
I commit to appreciating all the good he/she puts into my life
I commit to being faithful
I commit to being the best friend my mate could ever have.

Commit to making a difference in the relationship.
Believe you can make a difference.
Fill your love tank with goodness and blessings.
Give in the relationship.
It will return to you. A hundredfold.

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