I Can Forgive But How Can I Forget- Even Forgiveness in Infidelity?

Out With Old Excuses. In With New Goals.

"Betrayed.!"
"Wronged. I'll never forgive him! How can he do this to me? It's unforgivable!!"
"After all he's done…All the pain, humiliation, hurt .."

" Forgiveness in infidelity? Absolutely unthinkable!"

" I can forgive, but how do I forget?"

Have you ever had an experience that has left you hurt, bruised, shaken?

Have you every bristled when you heard the names of people and reminded you of the painful experience?

Have you ever blamed, or blame your dissatisfaction or failures on someone something- whether it be your boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, friend, parents or family?

Do you feel you have been victimized?

Do you find it difficult to let go of these feelings?

Do you justify your present behavior by things that have happened, no matter how long ago they may have been.

Do you find yourself feeling cold or unfeeling??

Do you find it difficult to trust someone again?

Resentment and hurts is happen. It is part of living.

But the essential thing is not to let it harbor and fester in us. It is mental and emotional trash.

The longer they fester, the more they destroy us.

The key to happiness and success is to let it go.

It is not worth harboring resentment.

"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die …"
Malachy McCourt

"Is life fair? No! life isn't fair. We are all at risk. We must chose how we will respond to pain." Anonymous

Letting go of these hurts, that have been caked up in our emotional being, is not easy. However, it is the way of getting out of the emotional darkness that we have created.
It is the way to peace.

Here are some myths of forgiveness that block person from letting go….

Forgiving means I am condoning the behavior
Forgiving will make the offender think his actions didn't hurt me
I'll appear weak and vulnerable.
Forgiving makes me look like a weakling who can take rubbish from anybody.
I'm not showing my true color and it encourages the offender to do it again.
If I give up resentment, I'll have to take responsibility for my own happiness. Ill have to change
Forgiving means loss of purpose
If I don't' make him pay, he'll never change
Forgiving means reconciling or trusting
Certain acts are unforgivable
I'll be disloyal to others if I drop the grudge
The offender is all bad and deserving of my animosity
Only revenge will restore my peace

These are all myths.

In actual fact, they poison the person who holds on to these thoughts.

No offence is worth destroying the peace within yourself.

Forgiving is taking the arrows out of our gut, and like taking out the trash in your body. Rather than let it fester and grow and twisting all around inside us

Forgiveness allows us to move away from and beyond the offender and the offence and take full responsibility for our present happiness. It allows us to suffer less and be free to live, to release resentment, hatred, bitterness and desires for revenge for wrongs done to us.

Here are some steps to start the journey of forgiveness, and clearing the skeletons in your closet.

1. Commit to healing yourself and forgiving

2. Expect the act of forgiving serious offences to be difficult

3. Acknowledge that an offense has taken place, and assign responsibility to the offence.

4. Get rid of the idea that the offence is responsible for your present unhappiness.

5. Try forgiving lesser offences first

You may want to start by making a list of all offences you have to forgive ascending order, a to the degree of hurt..

People who hurt you that you didn't know

Those who discriminated against you based on gender, race or religion

Friends or playmates who didn't choose you to be on their team

Parents for neglect, abuse, failing to protect, being too demanding, expecting too little, being unfair

our siblings for faults they have done to you

Teachers for embarrassing you

Bosses for not acknowledging your good work and passing over you

Loved ones who died, leaving you feeling abandoned

And of course, your lover for infidelity, for abandoning or neglecting you

God for allowing bad things to occur

6. Lower your expectations of the offender.

7. Write it out.

Accepting your feelings about the offense and the person surrounding it allows you to accept who you are and to heal. Rather than being permanently overwhelmed by negative emotions we have released them and allowed our minds to handle them and there by become stronger.

Write consecutively for 15 to 30 minutes once per day for 4-5 days. Don't worry about grammar,. Just write, your thoughts, feelings about thee experience. It should be about the event that affected you deeply. Write about what happened what you felt and the emotions you felt when thinking of it. Just write for yourself and expect some sadness after that. It is an essential form of release, of letting those emotions come out.

8. Use Imagery in Forgiveness.

Try this. It is really effective.

Find a spot where you can be totally relaxed.

Think of a loving figure- parent, relative or a loving God, someone who loves you unconditionally and makes you feel safe.

Then think of the person who has offended you and reflect on the hurt and offence.

Express your pain in the presence of the loving figure. It could be inferiority, violated trust, anger or other forms of hurt. Imagine the love of that loving figure as a bright light, surrounding you and infusing the places that hurt

Then imagine the offender's real life battles- trials, challenges, difficulties. Imagine the adversity he is facing. What is it is like to face them imagine him as hurting child, perhaps as a victim himself ?

Imagine this strong points can you recall shared good times, joyful experiences, and they way he has made you feel good.

Accept responsibility for taking the offensive against the person.

Then send your forgiveness and healing to the offender.

Imagine something nice happening to him. See him filled with great thoughts and loving kindness.

Feel the hurts lifting away from your body. The loving figure pulls you through the hurt and heaviness, embraces you and tells you that you are safe, loved and protected now.

You feel your entire body filled with peace

Forgiveness is essential. It is not that difficult.

Face it, pull out the weeds and fetters.

Set yourself free.

Break loose from the chains.

Remember, you are not condoning the behavior. You are merely allowing yourself not be chained by the offence.

Do it now.

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