10 Tips for Adding that Spark to a Committed Relationship

Relationships give meaning, life, joy. We were created to love and beloved. At our center, we live, work, breathe, so that we can have fulfilling relationships – with ourselves ( ie, positive and fulfilled), with our creator, and with the people around us. But relationships mean vulnerability. And at times, when the sparkle is gone, learning to trust again is not a step many fear to take.

 To love, we have to give of ourselves and that can feel like taking a big risk. But not loving and not having loved and been intimate can almost be like not having lived.

Here are 10 tips for creating more fulfilling relationships with a committed partner.

1. Schedule Time
Spending time together is important. This time can be with friends, dining out, attending an event, or cuddling together while watching a favorite movie.  The activity is not what is important but the fact that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy.  People have extremely busy schedules and between work, family, the home, errands, and everything else going on, finding time for your mate can be difficult.  Once you have set the time aside, you stick to it and make sure it happens.

2. Touch!
When was the last time you walked up to your partner for no reason and without saying a word, affectionately placed a kiss on their neck? It may be when you are sitting in the car, at the grocery store. Quietly reach over and touch. The power of touch will make a huge difference. Playing with your parther's hair, rubbing her hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub can add that sparkle back in the relationship.

3.  Start Over
When a relationship just starts out, everything is new and exciting.  It is the romantic, obsessive, honeymoon phase, where little things can be overlooked. After a while, reality sets in. The compliments become less, and criticisms become more. Identify the things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place.  Then together, make a commitment to start over.  Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and then start over.  Focus only on the special things your partner does and relearn to put the unimportant things aside.  Communicate. Really listen. Understand. And reach into what the other is feeling and meet each other where you can. Understanding, communication and regaining trust is the key.

4. Surprise
If you and your partner scheduled some time for example in the weekend, put together a surprise instead. When asked where you are going, simply answer, "I have a surprise for you.  I know you love this so I purchased two great seats for tonight's performance," or "I know we had planned on going to dinner, but I wanted to surprise you with something special.  I purchased tickets to see one of your favorite groups in concert."  The idea of you getting the tickets for something THEY like and then keeping it as a special surprise will touch the heart! 

5. Needed Space
As important as it is to spend quality time together, it is equally important to give each other time to do something they like.  If your partner loves to do something but you would rather do something different, encourage each other to take time apart.  Try establishing a set time for this very purpose, if possible.  For example, perhaps you could determine that every other Friday night is night alone.

7. Special Greeting
If your partner has to work late and you know he had a bad day, surprise him with a late-night gourmet meal and some outfit.  If reversed and the woman is coming home, after giving her a lingering kiss, have her join you in the dining room where the table is set with soft glowing candles and a wonderful meal.  Have an envelope lying by her plate that when opened, she will read, "This certificate is good for one thirty-minute massage after dinner."

8. Just Because
Give your partner gifts "just because."  These do not have to have an occasion, nor do they have to be expensive.   The small gifts packed with thought are far more cherished. Anything. A small token. Just to show you care.

9.  Little notes make a difference
Surprise your partner with little notes found in unexpected places, slip a note saying, "I love you," in their bag, their lunch box, their wallet where they will find it.  Another recommendation is sticking a note on the bathroom mirror so this will be the first thing seen in the morning.  Be creative and have some fun with this.

10.      Cuddle Time
When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.  However, as the relationship progresses or after children enter the picture, the cuddling stops.  Take some time just to cuddle.  If your partner is sitting on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed reading, scoot close and tell them that you just want to cuddle.  This makes both people feel secure and loved.

Little things make a difference.

Apply these tips and watch your relationships blossom.

Comments and further suggestions on adding that spark to relationships are welcome.

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